Mr Jason Lee, Chief Executive Officer, Thye Hua Kwan Moral Charities,
Board of Directors,
Partners,
Distinguished guests,
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Our Brothers who were on stage with us earlier,
1 A very good morning to all of you. We are gathered here to discuss a very important issue, domestic violence in Singapore. Many of us still feel it is a private matter, but the reality is that it is not and should not be so.
2 Through this symposium, we hope to spur more discussion on this issue and break stereotypes that could hurt us as a society.
Encourage a Whole-of-Society Effort to Stop Domestic Violence
3 We all know that domestic violence has a serious negative impact on victim-survivors. They often suffer silently through their terrible ordeal, and their lives are often derailed due to the trauma of domestic violence. No one deserves to be abused, whether it is physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Such behaviour is unacceptable, especially from loved ones – those closest to the victims and family members who are supposed to love and protect them. Recovering fully from the trauma inflicted by once’s closest kin is challenging.
4 So when domestic violence occurs, victims need people around them – relatives, neighbours, teachers, colleagues, and others – to help ‘break the silence’.
5 However, we are often afraid to intervene or report domestic violence to the authorities. There may be situations that other family members witness the violence but they do not wish to be involved because they do not want to break up the family relationships. Others may think these are private matters, reasoning “It is between the couple”, “It is within the family”, or “Better not to be a busybody”. We tell ourselves, “Outsiders may not understand what is happening,” or “Is reporting the best thing to do for a family?” We may fear worsening the situation and breaking up families.
6 It is against such a backdrop that MSF has been running an annual campaign called “Break the Silence”, to raise awareness of domestic violence, understand the signs and symptoms, the available resources and helplines, and encourage more to seek help. Some of our key partners in this endeavour include Thye Hua Kwan and many other social service agencies, some of whom are present in our audience today. Apart from talking about what we can do to create greater awareness amongst our society, our children, our young people, about what domestic violence is, it is important not to forget another important segment of our society that is impacted by family violence. Today I stand here in solidarity with perpetrators of domestic violence. It may sound counter intuitive. Perpetrators ought to be punished. They will be dealt with by the law, but it is important to recognize that some of these perpetrators have faced abuse in their own lives. They may suffer from unresolved or mental wellness issues that was not previously rehabilitated or treated. Some of them even suffer from anger management issues, without the means to effectively resolve conflicts in their families. Or they may have certain mental models or mindsets on how families and how spousal relationships should be. And these differences impact the way they relate to their family members.
Encourage Rehabilitation of Perpetrators
7 Ground partners like Thye Hua Kwan are helping them seek help and, hopefully, be reunited with their families in a better state, where fear and violence are replaced by safety and love. This is a difficult aspiration, for sure, but not impossible. Just now, we heard members of the Brotherhood sing a song. In the song, we heard words of strength, words of wanting to be a better man. So it can be done as long as one continues to take the step forward, and there are partners such as Thye Hua Kwan and others who are there to guide and support them.
8 We must create a safe and supportive environment where they can seek help and be rehabilitated without fear of judgment. As long as our perpetrators acknowledge their responsibility and understand how their actions have hurt their family, and take steps towards rehabilitation and reconciliation, they can be better persons and hopefully be reunited with their families.
Nurturing Respect to Deter Domestic Violence
9 I want to speak more about what we can do as a society to nurture respect in relationships. This is very important. Once we have norms about what healthy relationships should be, what respectful relationships look like, then I think spouses know how to relate to one another, even when there are conflicts within the family. Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Only when we respect each other's boundaries, opinions, and choices can we create safe spaces and a culture of safety and support for each other.
10 It takes a whole-of-society effort to promote respectful relationships. I commend organisations like Thye Hua Kwan, which have worked tirelessly to induce positive behavioural changes in men who harm their loved ones. Members of the Brotherhood have embraced healthy expressions of masculinity, turned away from domestic violence, and restored their family relationships.
Conclusion
11 In conclusion, I would like to thank Thye Hua Kwan Moral Charities for organising today’s event, sending a clear message that domestic violence can affect anyone and everyone has a role to play. Events such as today’s are important catalysts for positive change towards eradicating domestic violence in Singapore.
12 Everyone has a role in keeping a lookout, intervening and reporting if we suspect someone is suffering from domestic violence and abuse. By inculcating respect in our relationships, encouraging survivors and perpetrators to seek help, and empowering bystanders to speak up, we can create a safer environment for everyone. I’d like to end off with a quote, I hope this quote sits well with everyone in the audience today: “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” So let us start with that and aspire towards happy reunited families, even though it may be tough for them at the start.
13 Thank you very much.